i give up

i give up on this tumblr. im holding back many many things. ive already told you this before, but im only going to tell one person that’s following me about my new one. im sorry guys, its not because i dont like you guys or anything, im just protecting you guys from what i really think and dream and look and vision, it will frighten and even scare some of you guys. so sorry :/.

new tumblr

my tumblr is getting too public, so im going to make another one. i cant vent or really talk about things that i want to. im only going to tell the new site to a couple people, so sorry.

the joy of crying

I really need to join clubs other than the clubs associated with my hotel program. I want to culture myself and meet people of all origins and orientations. I think ill do that as soon as I quit starbucks in january.

On another note, crying a very good way to let things out. I think crying is one of the most primitive and basic form of emotional expression…think about it; babies who know no words cry when they feel dirty, sleepy, hungry, hot, etc etc. Therefore, it is natural for us to cry when we find no words that can express our emotions of joy, sadness, frustration, grief, rage, enlightenment and relief.

I was always a cry baby, and I cried about the smallest little things, like if i was getting yelled at, or if i saw a sad scene in a movie. But I’ve only cried my eyes out only about three times in my mature life so far: When my grandparents visited us after we left to live in the states, when I had to say goodbye to my family after i visited them in Korea during winter break and when my dad finally woke up after I found him unconscious on the bathroom floor about six months ago. I had my fourth time yesterday while on the phone with Dikyi. I’ve never cried so hard ever. I couldnt explain the way I felt, and the situation I was in, so all i did was sob like a little girl who lost her hamster.

I cried because I felt something that most people never feel during their lifetime: Pure relief.

SHE SOUNDS LIKE A FOUR YEAR OLD WHO DIDN’T GET THE NEW SHINY BARBIE. OH MY GOD.

(via dikyi)

?

hahaha i have a crush

i have the biggest crush on someone, the kinds of crushes that when you think about you and that person being together, you feel this weird fluttering and sinking feeling in your chest. the kind of crushes that will end up being nothing, and all you can do is fantasize and imagine some story. the kind of crushes that the other person is nothing like you, and that in real life, you and your crush can never be together. the kind of crushes that makes you upset when you see that person with another.

I had my first little heartbreak when I saw that person holding hands with a guy, who happens to be my friend, on the street. All i did was say Hello in the most enthusiastic and cheery little happy tone, and after they walked away, i felt like i wanted to cry. CRY. what the hell is wrong with me.

i take it back

ignore my last entry

i do want to go to seattle, but would never want to settle in it

yesterday, me and a couple of friends watched new york i love you, and it just made realize how amazing new york is. and then we went to go eat pomme frittes. and we skipped and hopped and ran all the way there.

it was like a movie scene, four kids running like idiots down 2nd avenue, passing two or three people periodically, laughing and enjoying those 5 minutes of complete freedom. haha, it was kinda silly. we couldnt stop laughing and smiling. the buildings, the air, the lights, the attention, the thought of FRIES just gave us a kinda high that i felt only about twice or three times since highschool.

Saturday was amazing, we just sat in billy’s (my suitemate’s) room and watched fightclub with four other people. We were recovering from friday haha. again, we felt some kinda social high, where we just couldnt stop laughing and talking about everything.  especially SBK. hahaha oh jordan + lillian you guys are too funny.

i love college.
oh btw, i have a feeling that there are going to be 32808034800 people applying to NYU this year because of gossip girls and new york i love you. its been getting a lot of publicity lately.

i have to thank my parents, my friends, God, Mary and everyone who has lead me to choose NYU.

Mush

i thought i would discover who i was here at nyu
i thought i could be my true self
i thought i could start out new, be someone that i always was deep at heart
i thought i could explore new things, look at things in a different perspective.
somethings have changed. but not all. not even close to half..no no a thirds.
its too close to home here
its too close to everyone that i love here
its too close to everyone that i know here
its too close to everything i was, and everything i dont want to be anymore
and now, im confused, and i dont who i am, what i want to be.

i love new york. but i want to go somewhere where i can actually start out new. I want to go to Seattle, Boston, Huston, maybe Canada.

:/

i have a secret

and dikyi, ill always be there for you. and everything will be fine.

POTENTIAL NEW ROOMMATE

dikyi:

awesome chick, hope this works out!! <3

 you’re an awsome chick.