a feeling that ive never had

this is strange.

i cant sleep eventho im really really tired
im moving out tomorrow…actually today lol

um, i have this really weird feeling in my gut and chest. it doesnt come close to a bitter sweet feeling anymore, its more like falling from the sky not knowing if there will be a net to save you kinda feeling. like the feeling that you get when you are like a second away from falling from the first drop in a rollercoaster…except this time, its not a second, its like three hours…and a lot more emotional than just a little thrill.

my room feels empty, but its really messy, and i dont feel prepared to go at all. its weird because ive been dreaming about moving out ever since i chose my college, but now im starting to get second thoughts

i have to be brave and adventurous like all my other friends, friends that went away, very very far away, but i guess im still stuck in my protective bubble that i should have broke out a long time ago..

before writing this, i passed by my parents room, and decided to glance on them while they slept. lol, it sounds kinda creepy, but i was just staring at them, watching them breathing and snoring in their sleep. they’re getting old. my dad’s snores are getting louder and my mom’s wrinkles keep getting deeper and saggier. they both have more grey hairs than the last time i checked.

i guess this is a feeling that everyone atleast face once in a lifetime; realizing that you’re on your own, that your life depends on what you do, what ideas you embrace, what goals you strive for and which friends you decide to keep or let go.

im actually not scared of the new things to come; rather, im scared of what old things i have to leave behind.